Monday, January 7, 2013

My Path to Finding My Birthmother, One Adopted Child's Story

My Husband (Adam), Daughter (Abigail, 2), and Myself

I know this blog is called “CraftyMamaBeads”, but today I actually don’t have anything crafty at all to post… Today I want to share a story. It’s my story and it’s actually more of a journey!

I have always known I was adopted. My parents never tried to hide anything from me. I grew up knowing only a small few bits of information that they had known and when I was little I can actually remember a time when I thought that all kids were adopted. Ha ha.

I never felt the need to try to locate my birth mother and in reality couldn’t admit to myself that maybe I was more afraid to find things out or be rejected than anything else. I always had the support from my parents that even if I wanted to know they were ok with that and were curious about her as well…

So now we turn to today… This year I turned the big 3-0… and now that I’m married with a daughter of my own the curiosity had returned. It seemed that lately I had been meeting people who were so amazed that I was adopted, but very freely said they couldn’t adopt someone else’s baby. Some just didn’t know how they could love a baby that wasn’t their own. I had never really heard that before. But maybe it was just because before I was young and naïve? I had always known it took a special person to give a baby to a deserving family, but now I was learning it took a special family to want another person’s baby.

This fall I was on a warpath promoting adoption and finally standing up for something I believed in with my whole heart. I wanted to educate a person on what to say and what not to say to someone who was adopted… That sometimes the way you say things to someone can make them feel like less than what they are, which by no small means is anything less than a MIRACLE!

Ok, so let me get off my soapbox and put it away… ha, ha! So back to how this becomes my story… In December I learned that there was a law in Illinois (where I was born) passed that would allow adopted children to request their original birth certificate. I prayed on it for a few days and then wrote a check for $15 to the state of Illinois and just this past Saturday it arrived in the mail.

I opened it very carefully, not really knowing what this would do to my life and how it could change two families. There typed from long ago was the name of my “angel.” I called my parents and both of us went straight to Google and typed in her name… in about 15 minutes I knew more than I ever had all thanks to Facebook!

Due to privacy settings I would have to “friend” her before I could send a message. I thought oh man I sure hope she will even if she has no clue who I am, maybe my picture will spark something in her… turns out she accept my request! She was online at the time I saw and thanks to my iPhone, I was shopping in Target when it all happened. I was shaking and my husband was saying we could just go home and finish the shopping later… I couldn’t move. The store was busy because it was a Saturday and I just stood in the middle of a busy aisle just in shock. When I came to I quickly sent her an instant message… I asked if she knew who I was. She replied rather quickly that I was just someone who asked to be her friend on Facebook. The next thing that I typed was going to change our lives… My response was

“I was born December 9, 1982 at Lutheran General Hospital and I have been waiting my entire life to thank you.”

That one sentence changed my life. Unless you’re adopted you never would think anything of that line above… But for those of us that are this is a powerful sentence. At some point in time we all dream about saying that. I wish I could have seen her face when it popped up on her screen!

I wish I could tell you or even myself how my life has changed since that moment. I never knew I needed that. I never knew what knowing would do to my life, but more importantly my heart. My heart feels as if it could explode. And the feeling hasn’t left since that moment. The moment it finally got completed. There are no missing pieces from my puzzle any longer.

I don’t know what the future will hold now. I don’t know what will happen over time. I’m just trying to take it one day at a time. But the best part is I have my mom and dad to hold my hand every step of the way. They are such strong and caring people. They have always been there for me and were waiting to go through this step of life with me. We finally did it.

All of this happened in a matter of one weekend. And now Monday is here and it’s time to get back to normal life in our houses. I am cleaning the kitchen and my daughter is playing with the iPad, Adam (my hubby) is back at work after a weekend of laughing and crying together. But one thing has not changed and that is the feeling in my heart. I feel now my desire to speak out about being adopted is that much stronger. I did what I was so afraid to do… I risked the negatives and am so happy the positives out weighed my fears!

So no crafts today to show. No stories of quilting… just me being real today… So as always when I close a post…



  1. This is so cool, Rebecca! I'm sure her heart feels completed too.

  2. Wow! What an incredible story. I imagine your birth mother nearly fell out of her chair when she read your message :). How special of you to say "thank you" in your note. What a great message.

    Good luck on your continued journey! Thanks for sharing.

  3. Thanks so much for sharing this, Rebecca. What a wonderful post! I was blessed by reading it. So happy for you!

  4. Dear friend Rebecca, what a beautiful letter. You write so eloquently about a subject that is very personal. As an adoptive Mom, I too, am looking forward to the day when my daughter will want to meet her birthmother. My husband and I will walk beside her every step of the way. My daughter knows how deeply we love her birthmother because of the selfless gift she gave to us 10 years ago. Adoption ROCKS!! May God continue to bless you. Kisses, Sandy

  5. Oh Beck, what an amazing story! I am so happy for you and your family!
    I am all about positvity, so I understand.

    Thanks for sharing! I wish you and your birth mom a great journey together.

    With love,

  6. Wow, I teared up when I read the message you sent to your birth mother. I admire your grace and the relationship you share with your parents. Thank you for sharing your story!